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Lanford Daze
|image = File:Lanford Daze.jpg |season = 5 |number = 15 |overall =112 |network = ABC-TV |airdate = January 26, 1993 |writer = Monica Piper & David Raether |director = Andrew D. Weyman |previous = War and Peace |next = Wait Till Your Father Gets Home}}Lanford Daze was the 15th episode of Season 5 of Roseanne, also the 112th overall series episode. Written by Monica Piper and David Raether, the episode was directed by Andrew D. Weyman. It originally aired on ABC-TV on January 26, 1993. Summary Darlene vandalizes the Lunch Box and Roseanne forces her to sell loose-meat sandwiches at the Lanford Days concession. Darlene is chagrined, but the town is thrilled when their festival is visited by a celebrity, Loretta Lynn. Plot Darlene asks her parents for $300 to get her and David's comic printed, but she is denied. Darlene criticizes David for eating meat and David brings up that she is being a hypocrite for asking money from her meat-serving parents. To prove him wrong and that she stands by her principles, Darlene takes action by drawing obscene pictures outside The Lunch Box. As a punishment, Roseanne says Darlene has to serve loose-meat sandwiches at the diner and at their booth during a community function. Loretta Lynn comes to the booth for a sandwich and Darlene refuses to serve her. Meanwhile, Dan gets a job selling jacuzzis. Cast Starring *Roseanne Arnold as Roseanne Conner *John Goodman as Dan Conner *Laurie Metcalf as Jackie Harris *Sara Gilbert as Darlene Conner *Michael Fishman as D.J. Conner *Lecy Goranson as Becky Conner (credit only) Also Starring *Danielle Harris as Molly Tilden *Johnny Galecki as David Healy Guests *Loretta Lynn as Herself *Loretta Lynn as Cop *Ahmad Stoner as Kid #1 *John Christian Graas as Kid #2 *Robin Greer as Customer #1 *Joe Keyes as Customer #2 Trivia *At the end of the episode, Roseanne and Loretta Lynn sing "You Ain't Woman Enough", one of Loretta Lynn's songs. *Darlene is reading "Interview With A Vampire" while she is working at the loose meat booth. *Joe Keyes, the customer who asks for his bun to be dipped in grease, was also the very first customer at the diner in the episode, "Stand on Your Man". *Despite being credited, Lecy Goranson (Becky Conner) does not appear. Quotes *'Dan': I don't know how people do this, sell stuff that nobody wants to people who can't afford it. *'Roseanne': It's the American dream, Dan. ---- *'Darlene' Molly: You're probably just saying that you are a vegetarian because you heard somewhere that Shannen Doherty might be one. ---- *'Darlene': You can't make somebody go against their principles, I mean, what did you think when you saw me as a baby? "God, she's cute! I hope she never has the courage to stand up for her convictions"? *'Roseanne': OK, OK, so you have convictions. Just shut up about 'em! ---- *'David': I'm vegetarian-like, I eat a lot of chicken. *'Darlene': I forgot chicken's a vegetable. *'David': I can't believe it, you argue even when I agree with you. *'Darlene': You're not agreeing with me, you're agreeing with her Molly who just happens to agree with me, which makes me reconsider my whole position. ---- *'Dan' Roseanne: I have a job interview. Do we have a tie? *'Roseanne': Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? *'Dan': Ties, you know, those long thin things, remember the wedding? *'Roseanne': You mean you're going to get a job-job? ---- *Roseanne is confronting Darlene about the dead cow chalk outlines found outside The Lunch Box *'Darlene': All right, let's get this over with. I did the chalk outlines. I just couldn't go on being part of the Conner family money-making death machine. *'Roseanne': Oh, now you come up with a name for the restaurant! ---- *DJ has just written a report based solely on what Darlene has told him, and he read the report to Roseanne *'Roseanne': I want you to find out about the real founding of our town. Go on down to the library. Go to the desk where we rent the videos, and ask them to help you find where the books are. *'DJ': Fine, but I'm lookin' up that sex stuff, too, so be ready! ---- *'Roseanne' Darlene: Where do you think they get the ink for the comic books you draw? They gather up like 20 baby squid, that's where. Put 'em in a machine and torture 'em until the ink just squirts out. ---- Category:Season 5 Episodes